Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
