Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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