did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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