hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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