Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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