We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize
