Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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