I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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