Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I am naked and annoyed.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
