I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my vag is so smooth its legendary
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize