im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
