HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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