I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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