Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
