I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize