i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
