Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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