Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
