Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
