Porn is love you can see.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
