omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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