Small penises have feelings too.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
