The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
