Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
