They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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