I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
