I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Dear god my vagina.
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