Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize