i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
