The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize