You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
