im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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