Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
