Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
