i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
