Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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