my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
