I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
