There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
