This girl is more easily done than said...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
