please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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