Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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