After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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