I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
