Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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