it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
