I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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