wakey wakey hands off snakey
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
