I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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