I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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