She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
