did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
