We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
