Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
