if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
