Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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