To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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