Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
