i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
