i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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