I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
