An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
