so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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