from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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