he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
