We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
