He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i think i have herpe
just one?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
