think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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