We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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