meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
