You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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