I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
