Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
