i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
