i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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