I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
