How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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