I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
