i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize