i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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