Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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