we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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