I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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