Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
