we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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