you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
false alarm, still single
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
