Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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