there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
