90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
