You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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