I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
