Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
