Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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