i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
