Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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