All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What drink are we having for lunch?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
