i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
