Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
