I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
