Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
