I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
