oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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