Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
