before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
