So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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