k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
