Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Less talking, more tequila
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
