apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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