So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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