I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
