I skipped work to stalk him.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
