she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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