somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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