I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
