3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she looked like the before picture.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Did I show you my penis last night?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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