We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
